Lady Doppler

The movie was long since over, and Lilian was sleeping besides her on the bed now. Lady sat there beneath the sheets, and refused to admit that she had gotten up a few times to see if he had come home yet.

He hadn’t.

She had a sneaking suspicion where he was, where he had gone. It stabbed at the most vital, sensitive part of her. Lady shut her eyes as her heart twisted in on itself, whispering to her, telling her to stop feeling these things. To stop caring, to stop hoping. She had spent her whole life hoping for something to change her life and when it had finally happened, it had only delivered her into the hands of a maniac.

A mad man who had whispered sweet lies to her, twisted her into an obedient little girl who would do anything he told her to. Who abused her physically, emotionally, sexually, all because he could. He knew she would never hurt him. She’d become so weak, so pathetic. Not at all like she had wanted to be.

But finally, finally, she had said enough. She had found her spine, found her courage, found her footing and had left. One of the greatest moments of her life and nobody was there to witness it. Oh but she had been proud of herself, how could she not? After ten years of being a door matt, throwing away Psycho Delic, becoming herself.

…

Then what?

She had been genuinely lost. She had never been truly alone before and it had scared her. What good was she, to any one, now? And then there he was. The man with the yellow eyes, the cocky demeanor and so much confidence she could smell it in the air. How they had somehow clicked. They could laugh together, joke, flirt a little, all of it for fun because they didn’t care what people thought. Lady had been through enough shit to care what people thought.

…and then she’d fallen for him. She had tried not to; ten years of an abusive relationship wasn’t a good idea was it? How could she trust any man? Much less the one she called her friend, the one who she could be herself with? And he had been taken by a woman who strung him along, playing with his heart and putting into such sour moods it had hurt to see him.

But she had made him happy, hadn’t she? So she, Lady, had been happy for him. It happened all over again with Scarlet, too. No matter how jealous she was, how insanely jealous she was of the two of them and how comfortably they fitted together, how happy they were in the mornings she saw them together, she was happy for him. She loved to see him smile. To see him just being… in a moment. Enjoying an emotion that wasn’t bitterness, or anger, or sadness.

Yet still she adored him.

And then there was Megamind. What had that been about, truly? Feeling needed, after so long of not being needed? Was it because he was the one Vice had been made from, or had there been more to it? He’d been kind to her. Sweet, soft, gentle, not like any man she’d known before and while a part of her had thrilled at it the other had had balked from it. Why was he being so kind? Why was he being so nice? What did he want? What would he want of her if they ever had sex? Would he realize the mistake of letting her close, push her away? She had drawn him into more danger with Psycho Delic, who just didn’t want to let her go.

So she had destroyed it. She found Tech; easy to please, wanting to be with her physically but not emotionally. Did she regret sleeping with him? A little. But she had done that to herself; ruined herself, spoiled herself. She and Megamind were going nowhere; he himself said he couldn’t give her what she wanted. But what was that? What did she want?

She didn’t know. All she knew was she felt a little flicker of happiness, pure happiness when Vice was happy and she hated herself for relying on him for her own happiness. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t healthy. He was happy with someone else, and she should be happy for him.

But now Scarlet was gone, and Vice was angry again.

A part of her was afraid, now, that what he had shouted at her tonight had been the truth. Had he only seen her as a chess piece? Was that all she ever was to him? “No, of course not.” said a part of her heart, “You mean so much to him, can’t you see it? He’s so grateful when you’re there. When you cook for him. When you joke with him. It’s comfortable, isn’t it? It’s so nice. It feels nice. It’s nice, to feel nice. After so long of being in pain, feeling like worthless garbage and somebody’s punching bag, isn’t it nice to have a guy you can just relax with? He really does care, he just wanted to hurt you tonight. Just words, that’s all they were. He’ll come back. You’ll see.” but then another part of her heart speaks up, the bitter, twisted, destroyed part that had been stepped on by Psycho Delic so many times.

“He’s just another man. Just like all the rest. They want you for one reason and one alone just like Psycho said. He doesn’t want your body, who would after all the shit you’ve done? He knows the reason to keep you around and that’s the truth. Look at how honest his eyes were. He’s a bastard. Why are you still here? Get your shit and leave. He wouldn’t care. He’ll find someone else to curl up with and you’ll be forever stood on the side, watching, waiting. Is that what you want?”

Lady didn’t like that voice, how loud it was, how strong it sounded compared to the other that sounded like it had doubts. She groaned, shut her eyes tightly, but refused to cry. Instead she turned the light off in her bedroom, got down beneath the covers and shut her eyes and tried to sleep.

And definitely did not cry.

(Source: lozzatron, via lozzatron)

wchun:

Mutato Muzika Orchestra - Hey Jude

(via twinkdancy)

hanawasakura:

Don’t Stop Me Now (Vocals Only) - Queen.

(via twinkdancy)

randomsongsfrommyitunes:

Daydream Believer by The Monkees

(Source: justbangingtunesanddjsets, via twinkdancy)

thehumbleminion:

Excuse me while I siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing~~~~~

Toucha toucha toucha touch me~

I wanna feel dirty!~

Roll me thrill me fulfill me

Creature of the night~

(Source: doctorharleenquinzell)

Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

“And I’d give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now.”

(Source: that90skiddo, via will-never-be-a-swan)